


Trademarks of a Homosexual

by gay_possum_god



Category: Girl in the Blue Coat
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Period-Typical Antisemitism, Period-Typical Homophobia, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_possum_god/pseuds/gay_possum_god
Summary: Ollie is so worried about anybody finding out how he feels, that he does not notice the way Willem is treating him. Based off of this: https://rudyardfun.tumblr.com/post/610900480279838720
Relationships: Olivier Van de Kamp/Willem (Girl in the Blue Coat)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	Trademarks of a Homosexual

Ollie had two siblings and had shared a room with one of them for as long as he could remember, but before starting university, just the idea of sharing a room with a stranger made him sweat with nerves. Only a month in, though, and Ollie felt completely at ease.

Some days Willem felt almost too perfect. At first Ollie was convinced there was some sort of catch. Willem was letting him choose which bed and desk he wanted, but would expect something in return later. Quickly, though Ollie realized that that “later” would not come. Willem was just truly the nicest person Ollie had ever met.

Sure Ollie had met charismatic people before. His younger brother, Bas, was the star of his grade at school and the favorite of most relatives. But Bas had no qualms about beating little old ladies at chess—which, Ollie suspected, was part of what drew people to him. Willem on the other hand, would offer a stranger his coat on a rainy day. This was not a hypothetical, Ollie had seen it happen.

Ollie returned home—he wasn’t sure exactly at what point he had started thinking of their dorm room as a second home—one day to find a plate of cookies on his desk. There was no note, but there didn’t need to be, there was only one other person with the key. Ollie felt his spirits lifting after the brutal calculus test earlier in the day.

Ollie was in the middle of taking notes on his art history textbook when keys finally rattled in the door around eight. He knew he shouldn’t let his roommate distract him from his homework, but he looked up on impulse. Willem swung open the door with a distinct lack of energy, slumped through it and closed it by leaning back on it.

“Looks like someone had a rough day,” Ollie observed, the corner of his mouth perking up at the sight of Willem’s overdramatics.

“I had a killer German test.”

“Maybe it would have helped if you had studied instead of baking cookies.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re fluent!”

“I wouldn’t say flu—”

Willem made it from the doorway to Ollie’s desk in one step—it was a small room—and placed a finger on his lips. “Shut up, we both know you are.”

Ollie couldn’t think of anything to say back. He couldn’t think of anything at all except that this was the closest he had ever come to kissing someone.

“Besides, you deserve it after your calculus test. And,” Willem took his finger off Ollie’s lips to snatch one of the remaining cookies off the plate—an action that had none of arrogance that someone stealing Ollie’s food usually did because Willem was the one who had made them for him—“I get cookies too!”

A few hours of studying later, as they were lying just a meter apart from each other in the dark—Willem draped beautifully in thin summer sheets and street lights, asleep, and Ollie staring at the ceiling, awake—thoughts kept Ollie awake: _Willem knows my schedule. Willem knew I had a bad day. Willem cares about me. Willem is too kind._

* * *

Ollie had never been popular—that place was reserved for his brother—but had never been intentionally isolated either. For the most part he just melted into the background in every space he was in. At parties and dinners and club meetings he was very good at becoming one with the wall paper. The only time he really spoke his mind freely was in class and study groups.

He was glad that this was received much better in university than it was in high school, but he had still met most of his friends—including his friends from the supper club—through Willem. Ollie was used to following him to club meetings and group activities. It wasn’t that Ollie didn’t enjoy spending time with them, after a few months they were quickly becoming some of his favorite people—along with Van Gogh and his family—he just wasn’t as sure he was welcome with them as he was with Willem.

Ollie had been overshadowed by his brother from near the moment Bas was born, and even though he knew on some level that these were his friends liked his company, the insecurities still lingered. A few of them, Judith especially, seemed to notice and made sure to let him know he was always welcome. That was one of the reasons he was looking forward to seeing her at the supper club meeting that night. The other?

“Is it too much to hope that Sanne brings her English notes?”

“Oh, did the meticulous Olivier miss something?” Being teased about his perfectionism hurt coming from most people, but Willem had never once gone too far.

“I didn’t think so, but the homework isn't making sense.” After years of living with his brother, he was still learning to be vulnerable, but Willem made it easy on him.

“If you really need the notes, we should stop by her dorm before-hand so that she can get them from her room.”

“No, it’s fine. I can wait for study group tomorrow.”

“In that case,” Willem trailed off and turned away from Ollie to knot his tie in the mirror, even though Ollie knew for a fact that he didn’t need it, “I was wondering if you would like to ditch this meeting with me.”

“I told you, I sometimes get a little nervous, but I do like it. I don’t need to skip, and you definitely don’t.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.” Willem finished knotting his tie, but stayed facing away from Ollie. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.” There was a pause. Ollie could hear his heart beating. “Alone,” Willem added.

“Oh.”

Willem turned back to face him, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, but you’ve been so busy with finals and studying and sleeping when you’re not studying or taking tests you’re sleeping, and—”

“No, no,” Ollie interrupted, hoping that Willem’s embarrassment wasn’t on his behalf, “that sounds great. Where did you want to go?”

Willem shifted on his feet. “There’s a bakery over near the music museum that sounded interesting. Piet recommended it.”

“Well, if Piet recommended it, then what are we waiting for?” Ollie replied, hoping he came off as casual and not pathetically nervous. He really had no reason to be except _if one of us was a girl, this would be a date._

* * *

“Do you guys already know what you’re going to do for rooming next year?” Sanne asked over desert in mid April.

Up until Bas’s death, Ollie’s plan had been to move back home for the rest of his time at university. He only lived about a thirty minute bike ride from the edge of campus. But the events of the early spring brought that idea to a grinding halt.

Ollie had never thought he had looked that much like Bas aside from the red hair, but his parents would gasp for half a second every time they saw him in the corner of their eyes, and he was not sure he could take any more of the looks of disappointment on their faces each time they recognised that it was only him.

“Well, I’m going to be living with my aunt and cousin,” Judith replied.

“How old is your cousin? How have you never mentioned this to us before?”

“She’s only twelve. We aren’t really that close, but Mom and Dad feel better if I’m living with other Jews.”

The reminder of the occupation sucked some of the charm out of the room. Their desert once again became Ration DesertTM. Rationed for the German war effort.

“Well,” Willem started, in an attempt to end the silence, “I was hoping that Ollie would room with me again. If he doesn’t already have plans.” That last part was directed at Ollie and Ollie only. This was communicated by direct eye contact. Ollie could see the light reflected in his eyes. Gold on brown.

“I...” he couldn’t think of a reason to say no, so he said “I don’t have plans yet.”

“Wonderful,” Willem said, breaking into a grin while still holding eye contact.

“I will help you guys find an apartment on one condition,” Leo said, breaking their bubble, “you two host Supper Club meetings at your place.”

“Of course,” Willem said, as if living together was the simplest thing in the world.

And for almost a year it has been.

* * *

“Ollie, there’s a letter for you!” Pia was twelve and just getting to the age where she was starting to get mail, and she was very excited by it.

“Who’s it from?” Ollie rarely received mail, and it had become even more infrequent in the last few months with the war. Still, he had received a few letters from various Supper Club members since the summer break had begun.

“Willem De Boer. From Den Helder.”

Ollie felt a pleasant flutter. He had been waiting for this without even knowing it.

“Alright, then.” He held out his hand. Pia handed him the envelope and continued to stand over his shoulder.

“Go away, Pia.”

“Why? I want to see what your friend wrote to you.”

“It’s private.”

“Oh, come on,” Pia whined. “It’s not like it’s from a girl. Ollie felt the familiar dull ache of harsh reality.

“Well, I say it’s private and I will read it alone in my room.” Pia huffed and rolled her eyes, before storming off to give their parents their mail.

Later in his room—which was very empty with one less Van De Kamp brother living in it—he became very glad he had waited to open the letter alone, because even though it was not from a girl, it almost sounded like one.

> Dear Ollie,
> 
> Each night when I lie down to go to sleep, it seems too quiet. It took me a while to figure out why, but it’s because I cannot hear you breathing in the next bed over. It’s surprising how much you rely on the normal and how quickly your normal can change.
> 
> My mother says that after how much she’s heard about you, she feels she needs to meet you. Would that be okay? Maybe we can meet up later in the summer? I know we’re moving right back in with each other in August, but some days another month seems too long to wait.
> 
> Even if you can’t visit—which I would understand—please at least write back so I don’t have to just relive old conversations over again in my head.
> 
> Your friend,  
> Willem

Ollie didn’t know if he could write back. Not because he didn’t have anything to say or didn’t want to, but because he would not be able to send it if he really wrote what he wanted to.

* * *

Ollie had heard of people always grieving on the anniversary of loved one’s deaths, but he hadn’t even noticed the six month mark of Bas’s passing until he looked back and realized it had been weeks ago. That realization hit him like a freight train.

When Willem returned that evening, Ollie still had not moved from where he was lying halfway up the bed with all his clothes on.

“That much trouble declaring you major?” he joked when he found Ollie.

“My brother died,” Ollie replied, because what else was there to say.

_If Bas was here, he would say, “What? Another one?”_

For once the thought hurt not because of the irritation he felt for his brother’s immaturity but because Bas would never make a tasteless joke again. Ollie felt his eyes start to sting, but no tears slipped out yet.

“Have you eaten?” Willem was still standing in the doorway to Ollie’s room.

“No.”

“I can get you food.”

“No thanks.”

There was a pause.

“Do you want me to leave you?”

“No.”

Ollie heard footsteps approaching the bed, then felt it dip to his left. There was another long silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not yet.”

But even that admission was enough to bring out the tears that had been gathering just below the surface for hours. Ollie cried. He cried for a long time. He did not know how long, but it was a long time.

And when he stopped, they did talk. Ollie talked mostly, and Willem mostly listened. Ollie told him things that he had never told anybody else before. He told Willem about how his brother was everybody’s favorite and he was jealous and a little bit mad, but he felt so bad for it as soon as Bas died. He told him about his plans to live at home and how Willem rescued him just in time. He told him about the letter Bas had left him. The only part he left out was the conversation he had with Bas the night before he left. Ollie could not bring himself to tell even Willem about that. That conversation would stay his and his alone for many years to come.

As the sun came up, they were still both lying in Ollie’s bed with all their clothes on.

* * *

“I need you to take off your shirt for this one.”

Ollie knew that every pre-med student needed to take a semester of first aid, and that it was natural for Willem to practice on him, since they were roommates, but he could still feel his face heating up. He hoped Willem wouldn’t notice.

“You don’t need to be shy,” No such luck, “you’re attractive.”

Ollie tried to keep thinking calming thoughts, but Willem’s comment ended any hope of that.

_Does he think I’m attractive? Is he just trying to reward me for helping him?_

As Willem rerolled the bandage that had already been around Ollie’s head, elbow and ankle, Ollie fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

_Did he hear someone else say I’m attractive? Is this something he thinks about?_

As Willem braced Ollie’s shoulder, his knuckles brushed along Ollie’s chest. They felt hotter than expected. Also softer than expected. Ollie had never really had the chance to feel Willem’s hands before—because that would be weird, right?—but he had certainly thought about it, and dreamed about it.

_Now I guess my dreams will be more accurate._

Willem pushed in the metal clasp and stepped back to examine his work.

_Don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t look down._

“I’m surprised you don’t have freckles everywhere.”

_Has he thought about this?_

“And a little disappointed.”

_What does that mean?_

The way Willem was staring at him then was even more terrifying than the most personal conversation they had ever had, but Ollie never wanted it to end. It did though, and Willem was even more careless about his skin brushing against Ollie’s when he was unwrapping.

That night, the walls of their separate bedrooms still didn’t feel private enough to dream the way he did.

* * *

Sanne was furious.

“Have you seen the pamphlets they have put up around campus?” That was her entire greeting when they arrived on Monday.

“No, is it about breaking curfew?” Willem guessed.

“It’s about the onderduikers.” Even though Ollie knew that the disgust in her voice was for the Nazi’s and not for him, he felt dark storm clouds on the horizon.

“Look at this!” She waved a pamphlet that looked like it had been ripped off a bulletin board. “Warning signs of a homosexual,” she read, and Ollie felt his stomach clench like he was going to throw up. Sanne kept reading. “Do you have a ‘friend’ of the same sex who 1. Is ‘too’ nice to be true 2. Wants to spend time with you alone 3. Proposes that you be roommates and sleep in the same bed 4. Writes you love notes as to a sweetheart 5. Directs the conversation to intimate matters 6. Wants to touch the private parts of your body?” 

“This is ridiculous,” Willem said tersely.

“You should see the one on Jews! It has a nose measuring chart.”

Ollie was barely listening, his mind was racing over every interaction he had with Willem wondering if he had done anything to give himself away. He felt the small relief that Willem had been the instigator in most of their friendship, but still knew that it was only a matter of time before he figured it out. And then what would they be?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something I wrote quickly after seeing that post and having time. I might come back later and edit. I will also definitely write longer pieces for GitBC later (Ollie deserves a happy ending), and I guess I'll fill this tag by myself if I have to.


End file.
